Medical Conditions as depicted in films

1. In case of Multiple Personality Disorder, the transformation from one personality to another is characterized by facial acrobatics that can give Cartoon Network and Jim Carrey [or Animorphs] a run for their money, and special effects that wouldn’t seem out of place in Star Wars.
2. The aforementioned patients speak in tongues and accents hitherto unknown to them.
3. Psychological ailments are always diagnosed in less than a session. If it is spread over many sessions, it always leads to a doctor-patient relationship.
4. Bullet-wounds lead to instantaneous death for the villain [but not before he repeats his catchphrase atleast once, or has conceded defeat]. If much work needs to be done by the hero, no amount of ammunition is enough to stop him from keeping that promise to his bestfriend/fatherinlaw/maa.
5. No loss of blood is too much for the hero who can lose as much blood as a vampire’s 10-course dinner and still manage to dishum-dishum the villain’s cronies [one of whom will be big-bodied and bird-brained], rescue the heroine from the jaws of death [or villain] and kill the villain/hand him over to the authorities.
6. Heart patients can run for miles on end without rest and end up with only a cough or wheeze. Death is never a side-effect.
7. Victims of Cancer always cough out blood, irrespective of the type of cancer or stage at which the disease is.
8. When equipment is unavailable, the hero performs mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on the heroine which happens to be a case of Kiss mein kitna hai dum.
9. And this is mostly required in cases of drowning, usually preceded by another exercise to pump out water swallowed in the course of the swim.
10. A knock on the head results in memory loss, loss of mental balance and in extreme cases, amnesia.
11. Other known causes of amnesia and loss of mental balance are near-fatal accidents, near-fatal brushes with the villain, electric shocks, shocking news.
12. The cure is normally a second knock on the head or any of the aforementioned causes. It can also be the sight of an ex-lover, sibling/other family members or the rendition of the family/love song.
13. Hospital stays are never completed for there is always Work [read dishum-dishum] To Be Done outside. And the bandages around the head [with a spot of blood on] or around the wrist pose no problems ever.

Just a general observation: beds have unique L-shaped blankets that cover the woman upto her underarms, but the man next to her only till his waist.
Well, I guess bending medical science to suit the plot only goes on to show that story and script rule in tinseldom after all.

About wanderlust

just your average books-and-music person who wants to change the world.
This entry was posted in Attempts at Humour, movies. Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to Medical Conditions as depicted in films

  1. lolz!!!!! too funny =))
    but i guess, atleast offlate directors r trying to have some logic going in their films… DCH was quite near to that..
    but yeah.. scripts n screenplays still rule here

  2. dch..? watch out for my scathing review of that piece of trash. thatz comin up next.

  3. Deep Throat says:

    And your point is?

  4. Major Major says:

    There is none. Shite.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Linda Lovelace fans eh….

    Or is it Mark Felt?

  6. Major Major says:

    Gray Fox. Go figure.

  7. Anonymous says:

    Tarantino fanboys..Glad I’m not alone.

  8. Deep Throat says:

    Tarantino is one of them pseudos. Though i have to agree he scored in two movies, namely pulp fiction and reservoir dogs.

  9. hey guys, thanks for filling my comments page.

  10. @ Deep Throat + Major Major: go write shite someplace else : say YOUR OWN BLOG? oh! right, I forgot: you’ve done that already!!!

  11. Major Major says:

    Aye. It’s free country.

  12. Anonymous says:

    Yossarin here….

    Get a life mofos.

  13. Aravind says:

    I think this post is more or less based on bollywood.

    1, 2 : Check out Identity, if you are to appreciate a film depicting the multiple personality syndrome.
    3 : Hehe, I can’t remember the name of the movie now, but was a really good example of this case…
    4, 5 : C’mon, you can’t kill the hero!
    6: Khakee, right?
    7: Sauce spurting’s the easiest way of depicting the deadly disease! If you say the actor has cancer and blood doesn’t spurt out, it’s unnatural!!!
    8, 9: OK, this is from Baywatch!
    10, 11, 12, 13: Bollywood again…

    Good one!

  14. Er. Don’t you mean Yossarian? With the a?

  15. PAPARAZZI says:

    hey this is a post i read somewhere else and commented on…awesome one…:D

  16. Interesting observations!

  17. Chethan B says:

    LOL 🙂

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