Dude, Chillax Hard!
Watched The [with a capital T] ‘youth-oriented’ ‘yuppie’ chickflick. It was on Hungama TV on a Saturday evening. [and I thought kiddie channels only showed Harry Potter or Madeline or Mowgli…but this channel shows even Jhankaar Beats!]
As for the plot of this film, you have Cooldude Smartasscomments and his buddies Casanovaman Comicreliefman and Deepinprofoundthoughts Mysteriousartist. Cooldude bumps into Badhairday Chirpychick in a disco and tries to act fresh and promptly gets told off by her piece of Arm-Candy.
It turns out that Cooldude doesn’t believe in love and all that comes with it. After capers in [where else but] Goa, where Deepinprofoundthoughts gets his defining moment [he gets to talk about Friendship Forever, and also gets to tell this pushy gal how not to woo Cooldude using the sand on the beach as a metaphor.], Cooldude’s parents decide he’s had enough of a holiday and want to pack him off to work in [Omigod!] Australia.
Next, Deepinprofoundthoughts falls for Drunkendivorcee Olderwoman, dreams of them in some weird Elysium and even invites her to his Art exhibition. Ahh, all we need to spoil true friendship is a woman, right? So there we have Cooldude making smart-ass comments on Drunkendivorcee which leads to the customary slap on his cheek from his look-at-me-I’ve-got-a-pure-mature-mind-not-like-these-losers buddy. Paldom ceases and Cooldude and Deepinprofoundthoughts jet away, the former to Australia, latter heads for the hills where there’s an art school.
Meanwhile, Comicreliefman meets Hepchick Nothingmuchtodo. They fall in love in a cinema hall and have visions of [when was the last time you saw two people have the same dream?] dancing in styles of three different movie eras, which all have a common flappy dance step. Inspiration from the birds and the bees, huh?
Wait, there’s more.
Cooldude bumps into [as fate has it] Chirpychick on the flight to Sydney. And hangs around, not with folders and tenders, but with Chirpychick and her Uncle [Rajat Kapoor who as usual looks wowow, and is pretty understated]. Flexi time Overtime. Opposites gotta attract, so it turns out that Chirpy is in love with love and [inevitably] locks horns with Cooldude over Love in a song, in all her sleeveless splendor. But Cooldude holds his ground. So Chirpy takes him to an opera where the theme is [what else but] Love. [Director seems to be in a desperate attempt to bring back couples to cinema halls.] She swiftly translates the incomprehensible lyrics to Hindi, and explains all about love.
And he discovers that it is Chirpychick who fills his dreams, who is the apple of his eye, the flower in his heart, the light of his life.
But wait. There’s also a thorn in his side in the form of Arm Candy. And boo-hoo, he’s marrying Chirpy. Boo hoo again, she’s going along with it. Both Chirpy and Cooldude can’t hide their feelings too well [maybe they should take lessons from Rachel Green on this].
On the eve of the wedding, Cooldude can’t take it anymore, and proposes to her [on advice from Daddy Dearest and Comicreliefman and…Uncle] before a thousand-strong audience. Arm Candy’s parents Understand and Let Love Be.
Cut to Deepinprofoundthoughts having a dialogue with his mom pestering him to, yawn, get married. And he tells her about Olderwoman. Mom’s just admonishing him for that, when, [coincidentally!] Olderwoman enters and is pissed off that ‘all men, more importantly, of This Generation, are like that only’.
She hits the bottle after that, and since all bad women who drink are supposed to suffer, she’s got to die [and go to hell?]. Friendship flew out of the window as she came in, so she puts things right by going far faraway. Deepinprofoundthoughts and Cooldude are bestfriends again, and Comicreliefman rejoices.
Cut to six months later. Drunkendivorcee’s last words instructed the trio to have fun, so they’re in the middle of the Savannah on a picnic. Deepinprofoundthoughts is one of the heroes and deserves a girl, and so, one magically pops up in that Neverland. Everyone smiles.
Why was this flick a megahit? Why is it the defining standard for yuppie films? Is it just the clothes and hairdos? Is it the very unfunny dialogues?
Why is Akshaye Khanna’s character so poorly etched? Like, why should ‘mature’ guys be silent all the time? Why does he get all the seemingly profound, but empty dialogues? Why is the music wasted on the not-so-deserving scenes? Why did Farah Khan get an award for the choreography? Is it just for that flappy catchy step?
And WHY on earth did I actually watch it for three hours?
All I have to say to Farhan Akhtar after watching this and the lackluster Lakshya [Chirpychick again, with Deepinprofoundthoughts’ determination and ideas about love] is:
DUDE, CHILLAX HARD!!!