Newsiance


A long time ago. Winter break, to be precise.

TV after ages, it seemed like. The comforting feel of the remote in my palm. Zapping. [That’s a term that means continuously [or after approximately equal discrete intervals of time, if you want to get technical] changing channels on TV].

I paused at some channel showing Hugh Grant in glasses. Ah, one of my all-time favourite movies. And it was just the opening scene. But the channel was… wait… Rajdeep Sardesai’s mouthpiece showing Brit comedy flicks? The screen changed to show a frustu-looking man.

“This scene has 32 incidences of <word not mentioned coz my family and friends and acquaintances and people who I don’t know about and don’t care about read this darn page and judge me by that>. 32.

“And this…” [cuts to scene of Tom Cruise and a kid. Scene ends] “is one of the cutest ways in which <word not mentioned coz my family and friends and acquaintances and people who I don’t know about and don’t care about read this darn page and judge me by that> is used. Just notice…. ” [Cut again to scene of Tom Cruise and a kid].

Idiotic. Jobless. Mr. Sardesai can’t get enough material to talk about, and can’t find enough work to suit the frustu anchor, so has a show where FrustuMan counts the number of occurrences of certain words in popular and not-so-popular movies. Not worth wasting time with… there’s plenty to be watched on TV in the short time between now and when Sis’s exams get done. Continue zapping.

Four-day weekend. Rush home. Fight with sis over the remote. Win. Begin zapping. Come across all-time favorite Hugh Grant comedy flick again. This time on a propah movie channel, not Sardesai’s sucky pseudonews channel. Start giggling at Rowan Atkinson conducting the wedding of Bernard Jeffrey St.John Delaney and Lydia Jane Hibott.

Tell your whining teenaged sister to watch it along with you, the jokes are funny. The presence of Rowan Atkinson can keep her quiet for only so long. Soon the questions begin. What’s his name, why is he at this wedding, who’s that guy with the beard, and why is the bride so nervous. Why he suddenly died. Why the men are all in skirts. What’s that, a bagpipe? No, a real bagpipe?

Why this flick is full of weddings.

To which I said I thought that might be so ‘coz this movie’s called “Four Weddings and a Funeral”.

Gasp from sis.

Angry grabbing of the remote.

Rapid changing of the channel.

“What’s your darned problem in life, can’t even let me watch a movie in peace when I’ve come after so long?”

“You know what this movie has, 32-”

“Oh, and how do YOU know that?”

“Why, it was on the NEWS!”

“And you watched it?”

“Yeah.. it was the NEWS!!!”

Thank You, all ye losers who’ve blurred the line between live news and trashy reruns, between news and crap, between news and entertainment, between hard-hitting real-life stories and human interest crap, between education and blatant corruption of innocence.

About wanderlust

just your average books-and-music person who wants to change the world.
This entry was posted in Priya's Travails, Rants. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Newsiance

  1. harish says:

    Well said. Rajdep and company (infact every channel that claims to provide news) have forgotten their raison-detre. Gossip and glamour have come to occupy the centrestage in news and newspaper. Agreed, that they too are a business. But then when business becomes business at any cost, then that is really bad.

  2. Tony says:

    hehe roflmao!!

  3. Malaveeka says:

    Absolutely.

    People have no idea what to report and what not to.

    a news channel doing makeovers and highlighting walls?

    Do we need this?

  4. shash says:

    brilliant stuff..lmao..

    true all the 24 hr news channels have nothing to convey unless they do something like The Allmighty

  5. Kripal says:

    “with the advent of 24 hour news channels it has thus come to pass that the reporters shall create news rather than report news” – he he. think i’ll write a post on this right now. reminded me of the attack on star news office coz of the eloped couple from surat.

  6. dee says:

    forget that..get bangalore times and read about moral policing…ahem ahem..barging in on couples holding hands or giving the teeny-weeniest impression of petting! its very very very illuminating! :p

  7. wanderlust says:

    @malaveeka:
    highlighting walls… cookery shows… they are so jobless, obviously there isnt enough news to fill the entire day, so they go about sensationalizing the smallest thing.
    @dee:
    dont even get me started on blore times. that has to be the suckiest most base piece of newsprint.

  8. Pingback: Childhood, censorship, and other things « The NITK Numbskulls Page

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