The Motormouth Diaries aka A Rush Of Blood To The Stomach


“Heyy, Snarky, some new hairstyle or what? No? Your hair’s always this tousled when someone rudely wakes you from your mid-evening nap by breaking down your door? Ah, I see. Why am I here? C’mon, I’m not one of those rude ones who talk to you only when I want to borrow something off you… just came to spread some post-endsem cheer. Yeah, girlie, they’re all done. All Done. How about celebrating, huh? Oh, comme onnn! You’ve to leave only tomorrow, not tonight! Packing can wait, dinner can’t – It’s getting bloody late, we’ve to leave NOW if we don’t want to waste time meeting the warden tomorrow and getting the pre-vacation cheer from her. Get dressed da…. Whassat? You can manage on your own? You’ll be out in ten minutes? I’ve to get out now? Oh, ok..
What d’you mean “Where are we off to?” … do we like have a choice? We really do? Between Mangalore, Mangalore, Mangalore and Mangalore? Oh, which restaurant, you mean… Take me anywhere, I’ll follow like a lamb. Capital, capital… I’ve always admired your snap-decision making skills.. No, I really don’t mind.. Leather pizza crusts give me good oral exercise da, even my dentist recommends that place, only insists I brush after a visit. Yeah, I’m sure, it’ll do very well. Snarky, hey Snarky, you don’t want us to wake up in some godforsaken corner of the city do you? Just wake up da, who’ll wake me when we get there? Three nightouts in a row da.. take pity da.. What, you did five? You’ll be excus…
Huh? Snarky, we’re there da, wakey wakey! The conductor woke me da, with that whistle of his… No, I’m sure it was not a baton, oh, hell! Yeah, I’m sure it was not Zubin Mehta. Wait, I’ll just thank him… What, why I said Unckal instead of Swami as is custom? Hehe, y’know, Swami always reminds me of Swami Unckal in school who spent a lifetime ferrying attendance registers and circulars across the place. And Swami has its connotations, y’know… In South Africa, even before Satyagraha was a gleam in Mohandas’ eye.. Yeah, Table Mountain-walla place. Hmm… yeah, Natal and Johannesburg… yup, that’s how it’s pronounced.. not John’s Berg or whatever Sun TV chooses to call it, like Loss Angels. You’ve seen the video of Lucky Ali’s Tere Mere Saath? It was shot there. Remember the Boer-looking old men playing trumpets or trombones in the video? Boer sounds like Double Dutch? Boer means Dutch. South Africa was a Dutch colony, that’s why you have the Orange river there…. Orange is the national colour of The Netherlands. They were the ones who made carrots orange.. they were red before that… why’s your face red, like a carrot? *chuckle* You are Triviamaniac-phobiac? Sure, sure, I understand…. but what I was trying to say is, the Colonial Masters referred to their Indian labourers as Swami… Imagine how this woulda sounded… The firang pukka sahib says to the darkie “Swami, will you yada yada yada” just like the Indian woulda referred to his spiritual Guru… Oh, look we’re here… heyy.. in Captains Courageous by Kipling, the fishing schooner is called We’re here…ow-kay, ow-kay, I get your look… y-AIEEE-ks! every NITKian and his roommate seems to be here. Yessir, Mr. Waiter, table for two. Like this one here… What, it’s a table for four? No ways, it’s just a table for two with two extra chairs. That family there have been waiting? Surely a table for two won’t do for them… that kid looks too old to be fed from mamma’s lap. Uh huh? Today’s his sixth burday? No, Snarky, I’m not vacating this table for him. He’s got the bourgeois comfort of being with his parents, they’ll do their best to ensure his day goes well, we needn’t bother to chip in. Yeah, see? They’ve vacated that bunch.. getitoff your conscience, how will you be a successful PWD engineer at this rate?
Dang it Snarky, where’s that chap who took our order? Oh, yeah… he’s bringing us a cake? No, it’s for the burday boy. What, the entire staff is surrounding the table, security in layers, huh? Hahaha… get it? Cakes.. Layers… hahaha. Oh, they’re singing him the burday song… Why’s the tune different, you ask? Yikes! I don’t think Freddie Mercury composed this tune for burdays. NOOO! Don’t commit such sacrilege, Freddie Mercury doesn’t belong to Five. Those idiots just lifted the song. Bet this burday boy’s feeling like the Queen.. whoops, King of the World now, with the whole place rushing to congratulate him on that never-before achieved feat.
Whassat dear girl, you feel full? Me too.. hang on, we’ll move in a bit. *Groan* Why did I have to choose such uncomfortable shoes too tall for me tonight? Snarky, catch me before I fall. Ah, that’s the gurl, c’mon, let’s have a digestive walk ’round the block. Oh, come on! I don’t push you to the edge of the road! That’s my sister you’re mistaking me for. Oh, whoops, sorry! Won’t happen again.
Snarky, Snarky, stop talking with your mouth full… but you aren’t eating! What’s that making you so inarticulate? Huh? You feel high on Saunf and Water? Stay still and tell me what’s the matter with you! You feel lightheaded? Snarky, Snarkass, you aren’t high on water! You’re eating real food after three weeks now, feeling full is a feeling your body has forgotten – temporarily, I assure you – So all the blood’s rushed to aid digestion leaving very little for the top floor.. that’s it, that’s it.. No, you wouldn’t die due to deoxygenation of your brain. You’ll be fine, now for some window shopping? No, you just want to go back? Yeah, Ow-kay… Heck, Snarky, don’t slip and fall, you’re used to wearing too-tall-for-you shoes, aren’t you? Why choose the drain, stupid? Oh, now, look… the heel’s broken. Come, I’ll give you a hand up.. What d’you mean all my fault? I didn’t push you in there… you fell. Alright, alright… one more crack on the way I walk, and I’ll leave you here for the drain gods and rain gods to find. Yeah, unckal, you can help… oh, it’s you, Bhaiyya… just help me lift this dear girl with the broken heel out of this place.. no, no, it isn’t her own heel.. I mean, she bought the shoes herself, but it isn’t her OWN heel, see? Just the shoe’s.. ha ha… Yeah, we’ll be getting back to campus, and leave you to your… er.. revelry.. we’ll be fine.. the bus stop’s just five minutes away. Sure, sure, we can walk back on our own. Come, Snarky, hold my arm for support… yeah, that’s right.. left foot first, then right, then left again… Whooops, darn these shoes, thanks Annavare, eef you dint come today… hahaha… look, there’s our bus… yeah, I KNOW it’s crowded, Snarkax, but what can you expect of the last bus that gets back before block timings? Yeah, I know that bunch is punch-drunk, but they don’t know that and it’ll help if you didn’t announce it over your loudspeakers. Yeah, yeah, that’s Pinki and The Brain.. cute couple, uh? Ssshh… they’re asleep, you don’t have to scream ’bout how romantic they look. NnOOO! they aren’t leaning on their shoulders coz it’s what they do in the movies… they’re asleep, how tough is that for you to grasp. Now look at what you’ve done, Snarky.. The Brain is awake, and he’s going so pink. Heyy.. there’s Kajal there… Hey, girl… looks like you’ve been mega-shopping.. what’d you get? Hmm…. nice brown Tshirt with random patterns on it. Oh, Darn You Snark, how dare you say it looks like a goat puked all over a faded rag, what do you even know about goats? Uh huh… so THAT is the secret behind your black Tshirt with random patterns… makes me go green.. No, don’t worry, you won’t have a red kurta with random patterns.
Come now, let me help you to your room… darn you Snarky, living so high up… any idea how many flights of stairs I’ve dragged you along for? Gimme your key now, it must be in your right pocket… your purse… what the hell, I don’t have it! Nice thing to do when your roommate has gone to visit her granny and will be back only in the morning. You’re lucky Rikki left today, you can use her bed. Come along now, to my room.
Phew, what a day we had…. Oi, Sandy, what the hell are you giggling about? You heard what? Yeah… what did he say? Yeah, there was a girl, what about her? You already said there was a girl! Oh, there were two girls, what about them? What, ho, hahaha… lolz, rotfl… two girls got drunk and fell into a drain? Jeez, people must really learn to take control of themselves… there should be a rule against drunken walking. How ridicu….
Z
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About wanderlust

just your average books-and-music person who wants to change the world.
This entry was posted in Attempts at Humour. Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to The Motormouth Diaries aka A Rush Of Blood To The Stomach

  1. theG says:

    what was that?! πŸ™‚

  2. wanderlust says:

    attempt at fiction. one side of a conversation.

  3. Malaveeka says:

    Loved it!

    so reminds me of hostel.

    the whole jumble of ideas is fabulous.

  4. Tony says:

    back on track after a while nice one πŸ™‚

  5. Sireesha says:

    :)..amazing one there..me rotfl..the one-sided conversation just adds to the humor..reminds me so much of my college and hostel..just that in my case its not two but five drunken and one doped girl in the drain..;)

  6. wanderlust says:

    glad it did… however, the girls here aren’t doped or drunk or anything.. their behavior is a result of sleep deprivation and a rush of blood to the stomach.

  7. H says:

    Two drunk girls from our college in the ditch?
    Tell me more…tell me more πŸ™‚

  8. wanderlust says:

    @ H:
    i urge you to go back and read comment no. 2 and comment no. 6, apart from ctrl-F and entering “a rush of blood to the stomach” [without the quotes] in the box there.

  9. dee says:

    ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyoooooo..igin kaalada hudugiro..
    che che..sabhyate illa ondu naya vinaya illa..pah pah ..
    oore tamdu antare..
    nim vayasalli naanu hegidde gotta?
    doddavra munde tuik pitik antirlilla.
    tale baggiskondu gambhiravaagirtidvi.
    alla,naavella helodu nimmolledakke anta neevu yaake tilkololla?
    kobbu..
    hudugira neevu?
    beedi beedi sutkondu ardha raatrige manege bandu..
    ardha naareeshvara vesha bere kedu..tande taayi batte kodsilva nimge?
    hostelige kalsidre yeno maha swatantrya sikkirora thara galate!
    nimgi buddhi illa,hogli olle hudugiranna nodi kaltkolli…
    aa bajari jothe friendship maadkondre innyen aagutthe..
    koti taanu kedodalde vana nella kedisbidtanthe..
    avlige bere kelsa illa nimmanna yelkond hogtaale..
    neevu maarammana jaatreli balige iro kuri thara meena mesha yensde avla hinde hogi.
    nimige buddhi helodu onde yemme bennge neeru haakodu onde….
    …yap yap yap..
    …yap yap yap..
    …yap yap yap..

  10. wanderlust says:

    ayyo hogi ajji, nimge id-d-ey kelsa aagbittide.

  11. Madhu says:

    Aiyo I liked this a lot lot lot. Attempt at humour it seems.
    Very well done!

  12. shaliniraghunath says:

    your attempts at humour are excellent.awesome narrative style.

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