Suggestions for Election Posters of Rahul Gandhi

So there exists an opportunity now to make election posters into collector’s items or posters to adorn a girl’s room. One of the candidates is a single half-Italian man. With dimples, at that. And no, Dino Morea is not standing for elections. Yet. (Which is actually a relief, given his recent departure from his Musu Musu Haasi-era good looks).

The scion of the dyNasty is who I’m talking about. No, I don’t say Mr. Gandhi is goodlooking. But he has all the right qualifications. Single? Check. Italian blood? Check. Dimples? Check. Fair complexion? Check. Under forty? Check (1970-born). So when I see this torturous poster every morning and evening exhorting me to vote for this man whose face doesn’t compare with that of John Abraham and Shayan Munshi in the neighboring hoardings, I cringe at all this potential going waste.

So… well… some pointers here to the folks who make posters for the Congress:

  • Who are we trying to kid? Thirty-nine isn’t Young. Atleast not for first-time female voters in the 18-25 age group. So…. attempt to cast him in the Sanjay Dutt – SRK slot, not the Hrithik slot or John Ab slot. The struggling-to-be-fit-and-succeeding one.
  • In a few years, he looks like he’s going to have more chins than the Hong Kong telephone directory. Dude…. or should I call you Uncle… work out, for godsake! SRK tops you with lines like “Yeah, Rahul Gandhi is goodlooking, but I have a six-pack’. And get Outlook or The Week or ToiLeT Paper or CNN-IBN or NDTV to chronicle your morning workout. And get cracking. The media goes gaga about Modi’s (if only figurative) chhappan ki chhatti….this is your chance to score one over him by proving that he is just all talk while you have the real stuff… and by extrapolation this is true for other issues like development, as ToI will write.
  • Get a better photographer. Not your current one, or these presswallahs whose cameras add ten pounds to your face. Stretch your neck a bit when they take a picture of your face. That way you avoid the extra chins being added. Maybe you can strike the thinking-man pose – looking skyward in contemplation.
  • And smile. Or grin. Widely. That’s what Italian men are expected to do. You don’t have it in you to look like a sleek mafia don – you need a darker skin tone and sharper features to carry that off. So take the pretty-boy route out.
  • And sign off with Hasta la Vista, baby. Yeah, it’s Spanish, but who really knows the difference between Spain and Italy? People take Romance languages rather literally.
  • An accented English/Hindi is okay. For the same reason as above.

I certainly don’t want the Congress to win this election, however narrowly. My loyalties are well-displayed on the widgets on the right here. But heck, if we are having posters that are going to be plastered everywhere from Malleshwaram to Basavanagudi, from Indiranagar to Rajajinagar, we might as well have posters good enough to be called eye-candy.

And… I guess the best thing for Mr. Gandhi to do would be to adapt a line from Jhankaar Beats to be his guiding light – Jeete toh jeete, haare toh haare, har dil ko apna banaana hai. My tips might or might not help with the former, but the latter, quite surely it will.

About wanderlust

just your average books-and-music person who wants to change the world.
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9 Responses to Suggestions for Election Posters of Rahul Gandhi

  1. Shreevatsa says:

    LOL at “more chins than the Hong Kong telephone directory” πŸ˜€

    @last line: You’ve heard this from the Rajiv Gandhi days, right?
    “Q. Why is India now a banana republic?
    A. Because Rajiv Gandhi is always saying “Hamein yeh banana hai, hamein woh banana hai…”

  2. bedathur says:

    I am glad he doesn’t have the muscles or the six-pack abs (and I don’t want to know if he does!)! Or he would be competing with the “nanga pehlwan” of Bollywood for poster space! Anything for the votes, you know! If I am condemned to see his posters everyday (which I am glad I am not!), I would rather see his double chin than anything else! πŸ˜€

  3. Logik says:

    He he.. This one was a long due post..
    More chins than a hongkong directory… ROTFL…
    And I suppose that the same joke should go with ” I hope Congress has more internal chinks than a US university”

  4. wanderlust says:

    @logik, shreevatsa:
    it wrenches my heart to admit that the chin thingie is not an original. but funny nevertheless.
    oh yeah… now i remember that one. i think i read it in a khushwant singh joke book.
    oh, no… i asked him to work out because his face was starting to sag with all the extra pounds. politicians’ torsos… no thank you!
    it was written after a conversation with you a long while ago… it got stuck as a draft and got forgotten until yesterday.
    and nice one about chinks.

  5. Swati says:

    “and by extrapolation this is true for other issues like development, as ToI will write”…hehe…
    awesome post as usual….whats the scene there now? What do the exit polls predict..?

  6. wanderlust says:

    there’s a much-needed gag on exit polls now.

  7. “. Yeah, it’s Spanish, but who really knows the difference between Spain and Italy? People take Romance languages rather literally.” …… HAHAHAHAHAH LOL

    I hope once the results are declared we will get to laugh a lot more πŸ™‚

  8. Deepak Iyer says:

    Yeah Rahul Gandhi is no good, but our only hope for a youngster to ever occupy the PM’s chair.
    Do follow Priyanka Gandhi though. She could have been a great politician if she hadn’t abstained from it.

    Btw, you haven’t really explained why you think Advani is good. Do you have any post that I can refer to ?

    Either way, I don’t think I support the Congress or the BJP, just to be clear.

  9. deepak kumar says:

    give all village 5 room set and internet connection give to pancayat ++ docter +one give tub well with tractor + tanker to give water all farmers

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