I wonder…

I used to admire people who seemed to have a concrete goal in life. But then, I now realize the futility of specific goals in the longterm.

I take decisions only after thorough deliberation, hell lot of thought. And then promptly forget the reasoning that went into any decision. And when the going gets not-so-good, I wonder over and over again just WHY I took a specific decision, and doubt my sanity, my sensibility, my existence…and wonder if I should switch gears or what.

In the past, I have been too lazy to switch gears, and that has served me well; my initial reasoning was good, it turned out. Now however, I am at a crossroad or so it seems… and I’m not that lazy, and I even think I ‘know better’ now.

Time, if utilized well, can change the game… but there’s really no saying.

The grass is always greener on the other side, and the best perspective seems to be got by sitting on the fence.

Oh, well, I’m probably just plain lazy that I want the easier way out. I never sink a well until my hair’s on fire.

I’m sure the day will come when I’ll look at this post and laugh. I sure hope it comes soon enough.

About wanderlust

just your average books-and-music person who wants to change the world.
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8 Responses to I wonder…

  1. Lakshmi says:

    I’ve been reading your blog for a while. The ratio of rubbish vs (really sensible, super funny, endearingly super rational blogs) are increasing. In the past, I figured I am a reader with the option of not reading if I dont want to and so did not leave a comment. But then there are those ‘Sutter Island’ kind of blogs that are insightful and a pleasure to read. It’s sad if your blog becomes one of those self centered, ‘I am so cool’ blogs. It’s your blog and you have the freedom to write whatever. But I had to tell you.. you can do a lot better than the rubbish up here. Looking forward to an era of good blogs (if you so choose).

    • wanderlust says:

      the problem with actually TRYING to up the non-rubbish would just result in increase of ‘rubbish’ content. if i begin to think hard here too, i’ll simply burn out and begin to hate blogging.
      this is my outlet, and those ‘non rubbish’ posts turn up more by chance than by any design. and trying to optimize for non-rubbish doesn’t work. i’ll just be trying too hard to replicate something that happened once in the past, and it will read wannabe and totally not me. that’s not how blogging works.
      plus, who do i go by to decide on what is ‘rubbish’ and what is not? one man’s nonsense is another man’s words of wisdom. i of course can’t please everyone, and that’s not even my intent.
      whether i have one or a zillion subscribers, the only constant will be that i write what i like to read, or what i feel. i need to please me first.

      there’s a lot of content on the net, and the signal-to-noise ratio is very low. this place is no exception.

      • harish says:

        ‘ella kELali endu naanu haaDuvudilla’ anta baro kannada bhaavageete ondu nenapaaytu. nin reply to the first comment nODi.
        ‘i need to please me first’ – idanna nODi ninna narcissist anta jana baikotaare. samaajakkaagi baribEku. You should write for the poor, for the needy, for the oppressed, for the…
        Ondu kannada blogger’s conference aagittu a couple of years back. One of my friends was the organizer. So I too was invited despite not being a Kannada blogger. People who had come there were randomly asked to speak about their blogging experience. And I too happened to be one of those randomly picked. And I said, ‘I don’t blog with a specific agenda in mind or with the intention of writing about serious topics. I just write whatever I want’. heege hELiddakke alli bandidda obbru(from a popular Kannada portal) kOpa maaDkonDbiTTru. ‘How on earth can you be not serious in your blog? heegella baredre aagalla. samaaja uddhaara aagalla’ anta. This obsession with ‘samaaja uddhaara’ nanage artha aagalla.

  2. Chethan B says:

    nice post.. donno how much i understood.. šŸ˜¦ n awesome comment reply šŸ™‚

  3. S says:

    Here’s to more “rubbish”, if it means frank unpretentious whatever-you-like writing. (Though of course I like many readers will ignore posts uninteresting to me, but you shouldn’t care.) [Also, pet peeve: why have people started posts “blogs”?]

    Not to be facetious, but
    wonder over and over again just WHY I took a specific decision
    Keep notes?

  4. Siri says:

    I sense self-doubt. The last time I was grappling with such thoughts for a considerable amount of time, switch gears as I didn’t, I struggled to deal with all the concrete decisions I’d already made. In retrospect, it made life seem tougher than it was.

    May not apply to you. Perhaps what you need is to really switch gears. Speaking for myself, however, things would have been a lot easier if I made reasonable attempts to stick to choices I’d already made instead of pining for new things and convincing myself I’d be happy if I changed how things were.

    Take a tiny break šŸ™‚


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