Longvage Rage

Everybody acts like angry-angry these days. Everytime I open the shoshal medias minns, some hajaar ‘rage’ links I am the finding. The Kongas will rage minns everyone is monkey-seemonkeydoing, with all the stick-figure comics itsimms. Even small child in nursery school is drawing better. That too such stuppid-stuppid jokes – if the Brahmin is doing the koffings also one comic will come off for that. Wateveritis pa. Who is this Krish Ashok fello, I say? He is the Krish Srikkanth’s brether or the cousins or what?

If peepals are lazy to draw comics minns, they are writing blogs with byaaaaad Ingleesh like this one and this one. Madofellows. That also just chumma, they wantedly write bad longvage. All these rich-rich chilrans with costly-costly laptops and studied in caarment schools will sit and think and use the google and the yahoo and the bing to write in butler ingleesh. I am thinking, this will become off meme in twellaars time and all these fellows who want to study in the forin will write a proper-inglish-to-butler-inglish translator so that they will become off famous and can jamba-hachkofy on their resyooms.

Ok, once minns funny, twice minns funny, but thrice, frice, fice? Madofellows. Again-again same wordings, again-again not finding new butler words because you never speaking in the butler inglish since 2nd standar, your caarment-school Dingo Inglish-miss is slapping you if you are murdering her Queen’s longvage, and even your PT Master in your caarment school is speaking Inglish like Britisher because when small, his fother was watchman in Britisher’s bangla. And so you are trying to do the direct translation from the mother tongue longvage to ingleesh. But that is not the butleringleesh at all. No, Not, Never.

I am asking to this peepal, why your mummy-daddy send you to caarment? For your learning the good-english and speaking in tass-puss accent only no? From when you are child, your Basavappa unckal and Jagadamba aunty will come minns your mummy will say ‘beta, talk in English and show to uncle-aunty’ and then feeling proudly when they are giving you the fivestars and dairy milk no? When you are settle in forin minns, what you will show off your chilrans to your frands? “Oh my Chintu, he speaks so awesomely in Butler-English ya”, like that you will say-va? I know, I know all about you – you will say also like that, and you will record it also and put it on Youtube also, the dog’s tail is always curved.

This is a funny world, no? So many chilrans who are studying in the Vernacular-medium schools in Controlment-area will try to speak like all tass-puss, even when their frands are teasing them saying “Ey this Vijetha ya, she is sooo tass-puss, something and all long-long words she uses ya”, and they will go also to Prakruthi Banwasi’s Spoken English Coaching. But for you peepal, it is jokey to speak like this, it is a break from speaking all tass-puss in real life, and doing even more tass-puss when you have anyone who is looking forin. My frand also one fellow he used to do like this for some cute girl he is thinking she is Chainis girl, but then she is Mizo and is loffing. My one more frand, she is having the skin-problem so she is looking like the Britisher, and is beautier than Miss India only, she is always daily coming and telling, “Ei Priya, this fellow in bus ya, trying to talk in American-bhaashe to me”. If you see one Gowramma-type girl minns you will go talk to her in butler english-va?

In Mahanadi fillam, after the Sriranga Ranganatha song that scene is there no, where that girl is speaking one English essay and Kamalagaasan’s frand is videoing it,Β  if Kamalagaasan had Internet and Youtube, he would put his daater’s inglish-speaking video there. But you with Youtube and internet will put off your chilran’s butler-Inglish video there.

I am also in forin only. I am also speaking the good Inglish, even in 4th standar, my teacher is saying “See the Priya talking the Inglish, all you should learn like her only”. My mummy-daddy will feel Aiyo what we have done, if they read this post, but they feel Aiyo what we have done for most things I do anyway. But when I am in the deep talkings with my sister and cousins and all, we are all the talking like this only. It is not jokey for us, it is mamool only, it is our comfortzone. But all you caarment type peepals, for you all this is joke, this is museum piece, this is like the zoo-visiting. Even in your sleep you are speaking in tass-puss accent, like that jana you are. You have none of the rights to make fun of our bhaashe, our culture. What, you are going to the African-American man and making the grape soda jokings uh?

PS 1: I just hope this doesn’t spawn more butler-english posts. I’m sure it won’t, but just indulge me in my grand delusions of being able to affect public opinion, will ya?

PS 2: Here’s to the post with the most number of squiggly red underlines ever.

PS 3: I hereby dedicate this post to the PT Master at my school, Jagannath Sir, whose voice has been dictating this post in my head. And also to all PT Masters, including the one in my sister’s school who said “Once minns ok, twice minns ok, but thrice, frice, fice?”. They are the true guardians of Butler English.

PS 4: Prakruthi Banwasi, in case you get to read this, jnaapka idiya, sir? And, for the uninitiated, Prakruthi Banwasi conducts awesome spoken English classes in Bangalore.

PS 5: You ain’t butlering englishing unless and until you’ve been through this guide.

About wanderlust

just your average books-and-music person who wants to change the world.
This entry was posted in analysis, Attempts at Humour, Blogging, Rants. Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Longvage Rage

  1. A&N says:

    ROTFL! I remember Banwasi’s classes πŸ˜€

  2. Krish Ashok says:

    Haha. Raging about rage memes in localteapartese is the new rage meme

    • wanderlust says:

      plis to kindly not refer to the wondraful butler ingleesh as the localteapartese. it’s like referring to Shakespeare as ‘the guy who did the scripts for the old-english versions of vishal bharadwaj movies’. thanks for reading and commenting.

  3. chutney says:

    ada paavi. link potu maanatha vaangitiye!

    • wanderlust says:

      “adi-paavi”. im girl.
      why you complain ya? people are the louving you and your writing ya. my facebook is full of everyone my uncle aanty bestfriend secretCrush everyone saying read this chutney post, read this chutney post.

      • Varun says:

        ehh go ma, wat now you also becomes famous like that chutney gerl. you will become sambhar gerl?

        and i telling now only Medras sambhar is naat as good as bengLoor sambhar. Why Kongas dominate this werld? Even here you go angry and tell to all about Konga and make them more famous. when talking about vernacoolar lonvage also you talks about canonment a konga dominated area!

        Konga konga, oh our neighbor konga
        Why you famous and are not like donga(our other naybur)

        I not give kaveri water, you dont give current
        you cant wash up i cant see tvvvv ohooooooo (sings like huduga huduga where Ramya aunty looks so so so bisi bisi but now she also goes to konga fillams and becomes famous!)

        AGAIN I write something arbit! FML

        • wanderlust says:

          i like your comment ya. btw, i owe the word ‘caarment’ to you.

          what only ramya aunty, arjun unckal, murali unckal, prabhudeva unckal and his whole family all become famous in kongaland only.

  4. Shiny says:

    Awesome-axxx it is I say!! It’s even nicer than the others because you are using butler-inglish to talk about butler-inglish itself. ROFL!! πŸ˜€
    Liking very much ya πŸ™‚

  5. swati says:

    super post ….one time i found difficult to understand mah.. then twice, thrice, fice i gaat it πŸ˜›

  6. Merin says:

    Haaahahahaha too funny Priya. πŸ˜€ Awesomeness is written all over it!

  7. Surabhi says:

    Oye vat ya Priya. Aasum post ya! Ver did u laarn such good Eenglis ya? Which caarment did you go to? I was fully loffing vonly! πŸ˜€

    Damn! I’ve been speaking like this for the last five minutes! I must stop.. this is highly addictive! πŸ™‚

    • wanderlust says:

      if you drink south benglur vaater minns, such good good inglish will come off in the bled itself i think ya! no need to go to caarment-geerment. and you’re right about it being addictive. after i wrote this i was reading a textbook and was rather surprised that the author didnt use that sort of lingo at all! πŸ˜›

  8. Banwasi says:

    Hey… well worded n funny article… thanks for the mention πŸ™‚
    can’t figure you thou – pls mail @ banwasi@gmail.com

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